I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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