Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
