Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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