Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
