Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
