no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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