Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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