Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
