I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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