My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
