why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
