I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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