Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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