His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
