Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize