Three words: puerto rican gang bang
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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