haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
