literally had 100 drinks last night.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
