the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
being pregnant is like rehab
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
