im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
