I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
