So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
