In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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