when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think brook has ever known best
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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