I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
