not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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