what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
