I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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