This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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