he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
