At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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