I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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