so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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