Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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