I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
