quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
