I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
