if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
