this boner is exhausting
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
