dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
