evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
