do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
