How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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