you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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