If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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