The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize