beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
