ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
