I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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