I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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