Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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