He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He better not be in your backpack
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
