the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
