and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize