Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
