I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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