While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
