'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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