im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
