How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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