i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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