Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
