You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
