I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
