So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
