i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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