the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
