gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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