I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize