FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
