After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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