Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
