The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
