How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
how does that bad decision feel?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
