he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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