So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
