You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
