just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
