We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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