My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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