Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
