Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
