my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
