Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
