he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
