She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
