In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
