your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
