woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize