he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize